tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65464549968244049722024-03-14T09:19:09.154-04:00The Island of Misfit MomsI come here to stay out of trouble. Also to hide from my kids.Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-17822469149932628082011-05-24T00:00:00.019-04:002011-05-24T10:27:46.167-04:00free (fringes) love<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 12px;"></span></span><br />
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<div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px/20px Helvetica; margin: 0px 0px 20px; text-align: justify;"><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><b>{So it turns out I broke the internetz trying to get this link to work. Anyway, read on, and please visit <a href="http://freefringes.com/2011/05/24/lovelinks-8/">free fringes</a> to participate in Lovelinks #8. You can still link your post here, but we won't see the pretty thumbnails! Erica has promised me a hosting gig AFTER my switch to WordPress, which is now imminent - stupid Blogger...}</b><br />
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I have a confession to make:<br />
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</div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I have a secret crush.</span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I can’t help it. My crush makes me feel special. My crush makes me feel like what I have to say is interesting and important. My crush also makes other small blogs feel the same way.</span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So I guess my crush is kind of a blog hussy.</span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But that’s okay. There’s enough love to go around, isn’t there?</span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Erica at <a href="http://freefringes.com/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">free fringes</span></a> is the creator and fabulous host of </span>Lovelinks<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> - a brilliant new feature that highlights the smaller blogs (like mine!) and brings them together with fabulous readers who will help spread the love - or at least make you feel a little less lonely. </span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;">AND it's easy peasy to get involved by linking<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> your favorite posts of the week that could use the love: either someone else's or your own, then vote on your favorites. </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Winners will receive a fabulous button and bragging rights for the week (sorry, a years' supply of macaroni is <i>not</i> included.)</span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I am flattered to have won <a href="http://freefringes.com/2011/05/21/lovelinks_winner_7/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Lovelinks #7</span></a> (acceptance speech? I can barely get a sentence posted!) So I was bestowed the honor of hosting this week's Lovelinks #8</span></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwuXC3vZ3spUKbfgRGrvki2xTxHeGQqRa-NWhubd4Z_jB6mA3rxiTLBOz4NMJ0M2ZRiI3dj_vhRndLc1GFUiDlFHjh8rEe2OzZGoLvGbU0V0EODPyRiWNXz9lpEWrc2BIt9COM_nJ9h4Mh/s1600/mail.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_259730319"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwuXC3vZ3spUKbfgRGrvki2xTxHeGQqRa-NWhubd4Z_jB6mA3rxiTLBOz4NMJ0M2ZRiI3dj_vhRndLc1GFUiDlFHjh8rEe2OzZGoLvGbU0V0EODPyRiWNXz9lpEWrc2BIt9COM_nJ9h4Mh/s1600/mail.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://freefringes.com/">Want one of these? Then link up!</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div></div><div style="font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px;"></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px/20px Helvetica; margin: 0px 0px 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Give us your best post of the week, or share with us your favorite obscure posts from when you were just messing around instead of working on that spreadsheet.</span><br />
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<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Submissions are open beginning at midnight Tuesday (5/24) until midnight, Thursday (5/26) then the fun begins:</span></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">1. Visit as many links as humanly possible</span></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">2. Leave relevant comments on your favorites</span></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">3. Come back and vote for the one you loved the most - voting is open until midnight Saturday (5/28) then the winner will be revealed!</span></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">4. Don't be mean or stingy: Karma will bring you back as a cockroach</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What are you waiting for? Click below to link up (and stop making me look bad, or Erica won't let me play with her stuff anymore!) </span></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px Helvetica; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;"><br />
</span></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #303030; font: 14px/20px Helvetica; margin: 0px 0px 20px; text-align: justify;"><div id="wpImg55668"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">[<b>Edited by Erica M</b>---for your link to work, you'll need to add this hyperlink somewhere in your post: <a href="http://freefringes.com/2011/05/24/lovelinks-8/">lovelinks #8</a>. Just something like: this post was lovelinked this week at lovelinks #8. Very simple]</span><br />
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</span></span></span></span></div></div></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-13936741897270208372011-05-20T00:01:00.002-04:002011-05-20T00:01:03.931-04:00The Mommy Has Two Faces<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0welWh96KpMFoFCoNSIsew2brNh6Prvy-Sddwvn6QLzGuKPQ3co1mZGlQtXULzdRvdv5mM2qkANqgKmpq0mtEqZEtyefl8MeHpoIEb6-sLDt0PekjySMINV-CHuuSkGGxTjxSZj4UsvK_/s1600/6a00d8341cd41453ef01157162ec7d970c-800wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0welWh96KpMFoFCoNSIsew2brNh6Prvy-Sddwvn6QLzGuKPQ3co1mZGlQtXULzdRvdv5mM2qkANqgKmpq0mtEqZEtyefl8MeHpoIEb6-sLDt0PekjySMINV-CHuuSkGGxTjxSZj4UsvK_/s200/6a00d8341cd41453ef01157162ec7d970c-800wi.jpg" width="169" /></a><br />
<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-oPsXyO7VA_WygQAK1o1xs_rbSkpeQt7cfUQBS6cCR8knuLNltykzVM-Rpn8_IRfqUK94snQ1Shj_wkV_DaWwfiVolrRjCcGA5LzEdboSR7rNrzNjIe2H9ye5LSRvbOytDnNZ2_LTCaBP/s1600/june-cleaver-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-oPsXyO7VA_WygQAK1o1xs_rbSkpeQt7cfUQBS6cCR8knuLNltykzVM-Rpn8_IRfqUK94snQ1Shj_wkV_DaWwfiVolrRjCcGA5LzEdboSR7rNrzNjIe2H9ye5LSRvbOytDnNZ2_LTCaBP/s200/june-cleaver-2.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">We can’t ALL be June Cleaver, but we can act like her. Publicly, at least. These are a few of my confessions (your results may vary):</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">::~::</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At the tee ball field: "Sweetie, you can't help your team if you're laying in the dirt - you gotta stand on the base, you silly goose!"</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">On the way home: "I can't <i>believe</i> you spent the <i>entire game</i> laying in <i>the dirt!</i> I'm not coming to another game <i>ever again! </i> Now you'll <i>never</i> play for the Red Sox!"</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">::~::</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The In-laws hear all about the lovely salmon dish that you slaved over for their grandchild's birthday dinner, because <i>that's what your precious baby wanted.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">They do not hear about the rest of the week's menu, which was comprised mostly of Ramen soup and frozen pizza.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">::~::</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">On 'Pajama Day' at school, every child is wearing freshly laundered, rip-free PJ's that are as cute as a button!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At home, fleece tops and bottoms <i>are</i> found, but it must be explained to the protesting child that it <i>really is okay</i> to wear a Lego Star Wars top with Super Mario Brothers bottoms.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">::~::</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Lunch for school is lovingly prepared, and contains the following items: a sunflower butter and banana sandwich on 100% whole wheat bread, with apple slices and an organic milk box.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Lunch at home is a can of Spaghetti-O's dumped in a bowl and nuked for 90 seconds, </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and may or may not be served with a cup of coffee.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">::~::</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">On school days, the kids <i>always</i> have on clean underwear.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">On non-school days, they are just as likely to be going 'commando.'</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;">::~::</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">C’mon, fess up! I <i>can’t</i> be the only one...</span></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-27951576766998023752011-05-16T07:30:00.002-04:002011-05-17T09:23:36.124-04:00Reboot<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Okay, so I took a little <a href="http://misfit-moms.blogspot.com/2011/05/technical-difficulties.html">*break*</a> and I feel like I have some ‘splainin’ to do.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Sometimes, I have these weird panic attacks.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">They start out in the pit of my stomach - where the little butterflies start flittering.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Sometimes the butterflies grow. And grow. And grow.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Until they turn into something different.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfn-bIoHCbbY2aHIEQ-Or2H3kB4f8HgeOBsN5lzWX_iGsPqC351rzMqIU-xlcWsqG7VV7Ny_SaBZRlx1DpMxB_9t9fwWEYbaIApBBllPaTCHFsVPRXtixrTOBSOGf70qwRj07NEaVQDhi/s1600/Mothra-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfn-bIoHCbbY2aHIEQ-Or2H3kB4f8HgeOBsN5lzWX_iGsPqC351rzMqIU-xlcWsqG7VV7Ny_SaBZRlx1DpMxB_9t9fwWEYbaIApBBllPaTCHFsVPRXtixrTOBSOGf70qwRj07NEaVQDhi/s320/Mothra-9.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</tbody></table><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When <i>that</i> happens, things start to go awry.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The shame of it is, that nervous, tweaked-out energy usually translates into some of my best material - I’m pretty funny in calamity! But I can’t get it together enough to concentrate on any one thing for longer than a nano-second.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The kids generally don’t realize I’m in mid-crisis; partly because I try not to <i>visibly</i> freak out, if at all possible.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And partly because they make me screamy anyway.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Normally, Derek’s there to talk me down from the imaginary ledge, and I can get back to a place where I can function normally. At least for a little while. At least until the next one happens.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I can’t figure out why they come and go the way they do, and usually I can work through them, but sometimes, they just get a little too big and demand attention. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Kinda like a third child. Or worse, a second husband.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So I do what I can to make it through, until the anxiety decides to retreat back to it’s dark little cave. Although that periodically takes some creativity on my part. This time, I needed something a little crazy to get back to “normal.”</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So naturally, I dyed some of my hair purple.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5PJo7ddNIdJYuLmmdGjuXucbQ1L5AWBodVTkskQt5EE0UurFVda_1grq56aLb3N5pnvbH-GcQCwWYvg7dsgaP7KButz9giRTiFkRaCu0330liA6QBnWrUTD9bZt4OgAEm4jicvJspzMDp/s1600/IMG_0097.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5PJo7ddNIdJYuLmmdGjuXucbQ1L5AWBodVTkskQt5EE0UurFVda_1grq56aLb3N5pnvbH-GcQCwWYvg7dsgaP7KButz9giRTiFkRaCu0330liA6QBnWrUTD9bZt4OgAEm4jicvJspzMDp/s320/IMG_0097.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I feel much, much better now...</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-12776812240075092752011-05-11T11:22:00.000-04:002011-05-11T11:22:04.646-04:00Technical Difficulties<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">After a series of mini panic attacks, I was happy to have ridden the wave and come out relatively unscathed.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Then the ‘big one’ came rumbling through.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Luckily, Derek was there to talk me down from the proverbial ledge, and the anxiety has ebbed back down to a low ‘hum.’</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Still, while the *humming* continues, I feel like I need to take a step back from a few things and focus on getting the beast back in it’s cage.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So while I am basket-weaving, hiding in my closet and talking to my dog, I hope you’ll bear with me here.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I’ll still be lurking around, trying to re-work a few things and stay in the loop, but right now, I kinda feel a little like this:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQQp4ZR8FHRRy2DM-g3AHxDnRYP9xsLVVcqJZQwQ8mZDAl0bqDzI4up-8G9iLws7K9zISQUedTihJrm_kZzRRnEgZ-LbovLHSe5vBGKP7jlJ6K3A_8YIQYEa5Ljz-P3HVP_XgnlWgvnzgw/s1600/Empty+Box.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQQp4ZR8FHRRy2DM-g3AHxDnRYP9xsLVVcqJZQwQ8mZDAl0bqDzI4up-8G9iLws7K9zISQUedTihJrm_kZzRRnEgZ-LbovLHSe5vBGKP7jlJ6K3A_8YIQYEa5Ljz-P3HVP_XgnlWgvnzgw/s320/Empty+Box.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Thanks to everybody for your awesome support and understanding...</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">~ Chris xx</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-7023037860820756712011-05-07T00:01:00.005-04:002011-05-07T00:01:03.120-04:00Mother's Day for the Behaviorally Challenged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5bAY3ViFZohFZcttgs4Ea6Bn8Pb16uTFGFOFUskbOLx3saalCuoaso-RZacO8exYCcxptC0HkkRDOH6RWicVEkLrpn9auZPfbxTZl1IaNWde-a9PDlHjhGdSl5PfqReUWGNbCXt7Yy3Ws/s1600/91116Lz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5bAY3ViFZohFZcttgs4Ea6Bn8Pb16uTFGFOFUskbOLx3saalCuoaso-RZacO8exYCcxptC0HkkRDOH6RWicVEkLrpn9auZPfbxTZl1IaNWde-a9PDlHjhGdSl5PfqReUWGNbCXt7Yy3Ws/s200/91116Lz.jpg" width="182" /></a></div><br />
<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px;"></span></span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I like to think I’m fairly low-maintenance. I don’t require endless hair and nail appointments. I rarely go on ‘shopping excursions,’ and I do not expect flowers and lavish gifts on Valentine’s Day. Because of this, I think my family feels they get a free pass to put in minimum effort on every front.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Normally, I don’t mind. I don’t care if I’m catered to on my birthday or anniversary. And it’s no big deal if I don’t get showered in adoration for the posh birthday parties I throw for the kids (although a "thank you" would be nice.) But there <i>is</i> one deal-breaker:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Mother’s Day.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I will cook, clean, wipe bums and make beds every single day of the year. But not <i>that</i> day. So, although I don’t expect to be lavished in expensive baubles this Mother’s Day, there is a short list of things I <i>do</i> expect:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b> 1. Make your own bed.</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">You can do it. I know you can. Even though this is a service that is usually provided <i>for </i>you, it really doesn’t take much effort to pull up a sheet and quilt in an orderly and wrinkle-free fashion. And don’t forget the pillows.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>2. Mediate your own arguments.</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I will <i>not</i> play the role of arbitrator today. The easiest way to avoid any need for a referee is if each person plays with/touches <u>only</u> his/her own stuff. It’s also helpful to avoid any contact or personal interaction with any other family member. If a disagreement over a certain toy/activity cannot be avoided, go see your father. Just know that he will probably throw away the toy in question, or ban said activity from <i>ever happening again</i> (up to and including playing <i>anything</i> in the house.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>3. Be your own medic.</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Unless there is the possibility of limb amputation, I will not be attending to any cuts, bumps, scrapes or bruises. Please be careful. Also, if amputation <i>does</i> become an issue, go see your father. He may have the bedside manner of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0002714/">Nurse Ratched</a>, but he <i>will</i> be the one to take you to the urgent care.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5sw3g9_-5P_TiK028hBgZGYx5HsU2SMZvS8FdDjX1FxbMFecNj05QZoP6h19cntRCp0WBB5HzESoYfWcQ6-MggxrdRfAV9X-FI4-YSahBhtEzeRYN6iqDTfUmwUCeSErhoGDqtcUemNlS/s1600/bandage-face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5sw3g9_-5P_TiK028hBgZGYx5HsU2SMZvS8FdDjX1FxbMFecNj05QZoP6h19cntRCp0WBB5HzESoYfWcQ6-MggxrdRfAV9X-FI4-YSahBhtEzeRYN6iqDTfUmwUCeSErhoGDqtcUemNlS/s200/bandage-face.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>4. Do not disturb my nap.</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">On this day, I plan to take a nap, <i>by myself</i>, in peace and quiet. This plan will require certain adjustments to your behavior (see 2 and 3 above.) In addition, there is an expectation on my part that you will <i>use your inside voice.</i> I realize that an inside voice may not fulfill my wish for a peaceful rest, so it may be wise to implement the “Irish whisper.” Also, </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">not talking at all</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> is an option you may want to consider.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>5. All stabby toys should be removed from my bed.</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This is essential for the implementation of number 4 above, and should not require any further explanation, however, an illustration is provided below:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Qfa-34smvSkNhX6wKWdPYMKCK8F7JR4bZ02oVCbbb8hw_dh931zr8JFEjJNMhnfPc0FoZLL2cxLRaohBNkQd11axDQW6X69gP3zHPMwjWV953UXxk8-s3N_vNbN5_gJIZlh5Tx1ou3De/s1600/5B0300A519B9F3691007C8309BE8C93A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Qfa-34smvSkNhX6wKWdPYMKCK8F7JR4bZ02oVCbbb8hw_dh931zr8JFEjJNMhnfPc0FoZLL2cxLRaohBNkQd11axDQW6X69gP3zHPMwjWV953UXxk8-s3N_vNbN5_gJIZlh5Tx1ou3De/s320/5B0300A519B9F3691007C8309BE8C93A.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What would make <i>your</i> Mother’s Day perfect?</span></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div></span></span>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-62398494521108081942011-05-04T15:30:00.003-04:002011-05-04T15:40:07.731-04:00Stop Making It So Easy, Gwyneth!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmLSCww8g-u29p4TK2DbP7mTwRYWf50JiLESbc2RfllFXABFwU4l40sg7Oz-t0pw0zljRmO4daFmDdVxY19QjA4Edsdbfe0h-hTt4XX6fmnsvXQmye5DiZLy6HnBRPYHJWPndE3lZ1X4nU/s1600/gwyneth-paltrow-wallpaper-7-4925.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmLSCww8g-u29p4TK2DbP7mTwRYWf50JiLESbc2RfllFXABFwU4l40sg7Oz-t0pw0zljRmO4daFmDdVxY19QjA4Edsdbfe0h-hTt4XX6fmnsvXQmye5DiZLy6HnBRPYHJWPndE3lZ1X4nU/s320/gwyneth-paltrow-wallpaper-7-4925.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So, in a recent interview, Gwyneth Paltrow explained away her critics, detractors and downright haters by saying this:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>“I think my work ethic is the reason why I'm successful. I think that a lot of people don't want to put in effort and it's easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. [They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that.”</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">Turns out, that is<i> not</i> a great way to make friends and influence people.</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVNkPjVa0ILmR4tD9-pTagAJbQgR_8vWF5zMK9HU7Qj8oQ7jbDBVFqzPs2Uo4Jurd3te3sLrtsJUtqV4d8dQkhqhStSQSqBodVrRGL1GHNZfhhYdwru-34ykOAJSdoPaunzyi2kNM6VOOb/s1600/300px-Saltriot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVNkPjVa0ILmR4tD9-pTagAJbQgR_8vWF5zMK9HU7Qj8oQ7jbDBVFqzPs2Uo4Jurd3te3sLrtsJUtqV4d8dQkhqhStSQSqBodVrRGL1GHNZfhhYdwru-34ykOAJSdoPaunzyi2kNM6VOOb/s1600/300px-Saltriot.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You might upset the commoners.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
It’s not that Gwynnie is without achievement. She’s an Oscar winning actress, cookbook author, and budding singer. Not to mention a <i>deliriously</i> happy wife and mother of two.</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Oh, and did I forget to include that she is also the proud parent of a website that offers it’s readers advice about what to cook, where to go, what to buy, what to do, and what to see? Micromanage your supporters much?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmYrD5K7OyY2JFbvJE-zGyTRZZG84tU4vOEa18iKyidaNdi8ucG3dh-Aj8krBUhnI_fxCCco4L01uF-Wf896J9YzYkeoP5ybQmEyHjFhkH4B-rPKzhVlXRzYlKjd5LHI85xfaPUeTOCjJL/s1600/in-formation-19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmYrD5K7OyY2JFbvJE-zGyTRZZG84tU4vOEa18iKyidaNdi8ucG3dh-Aj8krBUhnI_fxCCco4L01uF-Wf896J9YzYkeoP5ybQmEyHjFhkH4B-rPKzhVlXRzYlKjd5LHI85xfaPUeTOCjJL/s200/in-formation-19.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">She seems to think that with a little hard work and <i>gumption</i>, these things are attainable for <i>everybody.</i> If we would just get off our collective asses and stop focusing our attention on bitching about <i>her. </i>(And for Cripes sake, do a colon cleanse once in a while you nasty bitches!)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The thing is, when you’re born on third base and helped along in your acting career by your ‘Uncle Steven” (Spielberg,) in your foray into publishing by ‘Dad’ (famous TV director Bruce Paltrow,) and nudged forward to a singing stint by the ‘hubs’ (Coldplay frontman Chris Martin,) it’s kinda hard to hit a foul.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPR6yNvAJLJwktcLb_2lJfj8gqlKpx70OLg31f28P2O6B32UKQapu6pjHwRN1wyp2uQlMbc6AfbHN3ob7LfD_2nj0rYfQWhyphenhyphen1U3xQjyhg8PZdfTqTXeqxl-zVwZsT1zcUy8epFlrqCCGi8/s1600/williams_life4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPR6yNvAJLJwktcLb_2lJfj8gqlKpx70OLg31f28P2O6B32UKQapu6pjHwRN1wyp2uQlMbc6AfbHN3ob7LfD_2nj0rYfQWhyphenhyphen1U3xQjyhg8PZdfTqTXeqxl-zVwZsT1zcUy8epFlrqCCGi8/s1600/williams_life4.jpg" /></a></div><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">All that aside, I think the worst offense is that she’s applauding herself for working out, cooking healthy family meals, juggling her career and raising her children in a nurturing environment. Isn’t that what the rest of us do every day? <i>Without</i> nannies?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Alas, she takes her critics with a grain of salt because, according to her, </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>“We</i></span><i> </i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>live</i></span><i> </i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>in</i></span><i> </i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>a</i></span><i> </i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>world now where everybody is able to</i></span><i> </i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>express</i></span><i> </i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>their opinion, and If everyone has an opinion then no one has an opinion. Ultimately, it's not about me.”</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So if we’re not born into fame and/or wealth and have the audacity to express our opinion, it ruins it for the rest of you. Well played, Gwyneth. Well played.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I may not be ‘better’ than Gwyneth - my kids eat the occasional Happy Meal, I am known for running out the door without a proper preening, and most days the only exercise I get is in the form of vacuuming and making beds.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJKjLwaxpwhbLUL2XU3AfJBGuiAImBpiqnOg3Wl-82cDrY00B8qG2b3oBsEH_1kULPJ6Q3x1ZJheZbTbGSn_lKEplZM8dLyEBFQpCjEqpNlSrvaX5qL-oyFBOmD0S0odosQa1XTndPIzxe/s1600/GwynethKatharineBlythe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJKjLwaxpwhbLUL2XU3AfJBGuiAImBpiqnOg3Wl-82cDrY00B8qG2b3oBsEH_1kULPJ6Q3x1ZJheZbTbGSn_lKEplZM8dLyEBFQpCjEqpNlSrvaX5qL-oyFBOmD0S0odosQa1XTndPIzxe/s320/GwynethKatharineBlythe.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;">But at least I’ve never called my dead grandmother a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZORey6EHF3g&feature=player_embedded">c*nt</a>. ***</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;">(***her comment is about 4 mins in)<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-10796213286695201132011-04-30T19:43:00.001-04:002011-04-30T20:43:50.488-04:00Big Little Voice<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My daughter has a big voice. I don’t mean that her voice is loud. Or screechy. </span></div><div style="color: #aa00c1; font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Just BIG.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Being the mother of a daughter means instilling in her a solid sense of strength. Of not giving up or giving in because people expect less of you.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It means giving her a voice.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy1pmVqXp9RpoPjUnf4BJ63qnYHDDvCCsv1ynzIn5pKeQQWWifqEdMuLwcKyk7TpK-BxlGD1LjYS3Me7Kg6Kgjofs8Hjs9wdCa_QFrsVh0xI4VQeT0xYTRgXmAmPy60tGMkTbOdsqS2RNe/s1600/Wonder+Woman+-+Color+-+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy1pmVqXp9RpoPjUnf4BJ63qnYHDDvCCsv1ynzIn5pKeQQWWifqEdMuLwcKyk7TpK-BxlGD1LjYS3Me7Kg6Kgjofs8Hjs9wdCa_QFrsVh0xI4VQeT0xYTRgXmAmPy60tGMkTbOdsqS2RNe/s320/Wonder+Woman+-+Color+-+001.jpg" width="276" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Girrrrl Power!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Thing is, sometimes she is under the impression that hers is the <i>only</i> voice that matters.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Peyton has been described as a “dynamic” child. At age 9, she is intense in <i>every</i> emotion - from happiness to anger to sadness - she feels them all with the same fervor.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">She huff and puffs and stomps and sulks over the smallest slight. Is the universe playing some kind of cosmic joke on me? Testing my patience? My resolve? Is there a hidden camera somewhere? (and if so, maybe I'd better think twice about throttling her.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Other moms have told me that this is quite ‘normal’ and are experiencing the same things with their daughters. Kind of a macabre “preview of the teen years” attitude. I just don’t buy that.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When does a big little voice become <i>too</i> big?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When it starts to overtake the entire family.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwFdVVOxvFtYqfKCganb_RrZcHoMiPRZAk_GwI3X6RL9DMUYsD9MGLgQ_T_hqjJ0jR_JVcv-fNXkiACfPxvsXSYOjjLJW4GuPoyKkbHWF3gXxCvsQwbmffMJgFb1xi7BXyEpzNLNWww9-k/s1600/godzilla_bw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwFdVVOxvFtYqfKCganb_RrZcHoMiPRZAk_GwI3X6RL9DMUYsD9MGLgQ_T_hqjJ0jR_JVcv-fNXkiACfPxvsXSYOjjLJW4GuPoyKkbHWF3gXxCvsQwbmffMJgFb1xi7BXyEpzNLNWww9-k/s320/godzilla_bw.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This<i> always</i> happens when I tell her to clean her room.</td></tr>
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</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Peyton feels entitled to express her opinion about <i>everything</i> and all topics are open to debate. There is one problem with that:</span></div><div style="color: #d400f9; font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">One’s sense of entitlement does not make one entitled.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So, how do you foster good self-esteem and strong character while at the same time asserting parental authority? Good question. My plan is to make sure that she knows she is loved, but not letting her operate under the delusion that she is any more important than any other member of our family. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I think that’s where Dina went all wrong with Lindsay.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP9S1lf6MTdDwa8DA6AxyRLnGb1sxEhekH9e3yP3cMAWhgf60HN0DEwKOgK5X3FDOaGZ5ktyVzbClI-HIzMofi0rokY-YWwt6nJNf1SEl6j71ERmf-G93o_39BrpmK3w9r4a1OUc1lpB5k/s1600/Lindsay-Lohan-16.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP9S1lf6MTdDwa8DA6AxyRLnGb1sxEhekH9e3yP3cMAWhgf60HN0DEwKOgK5X3FDOaGZ5ktyVzbClI-HIzMofi0rokY-YWwt6nJNf1SEl6j71ERmf-G93o_39BrpmK3w9r4a1OUc1lpB5k/s320/Lindsay-Lohan-16.jpg" width="298" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My girl has her own opinions and her own sense of self. I think the thing that's missing for me is that her strong personality leaves little room for me to be the "mommy" I want to be. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What she needs is firm guidance and loving approval; what I need is to be "needed" by her a little more.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But for now, I think I can settle for just a little more civility...</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi45iREJjzABAE3X4gTgfZHpGiJnRQT3PUGsMbyT0-7YHyyVpZuNMs88KoB1hZEaHR1OWAAFtV16LK69XQCQPl2vQYXF6Sl08ts8BUb0QVzFzDqAADg4wC7WbU_UtOmKLhxMuspYSen44F0/s1600/godzilla-walks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi45iREJjzABAE3X4gTgfZHpGiJnRQT3PUGsMbyT0-7YHyyVpZuNMs88KoB1hZEaHR1OWAAFtV16LK69XQCQPl2vQYXF6Sl08ts8BUb0QVzFzDqAADg4wC7WbU_UtOmKLhxMuspYSen44F0/s320/godzilla-walks.jpg" width="295" /></a></td></tr>
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</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-86885252748306272302011-04-27T17:05:00.005-04:002011-04-27T17:06:03.287-04:00My Post Will Have to Wait<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The post I had for today will have to wait. Sometimes it’s impossible to dismiss the words of another for your own.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As I caught up on some of my favorite blogs, I read the newest post on <a href="http://www.wanderlustlust.com/">Wanderlust</a>. Kristen’s post is simply so powerful, it could not be ignored - at least by me.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So please, check out <a href="http://www.wanderlustlust.com/">Wanderlust</a> to read <a href="http://www.wanderlustlust.com/2011/04/dead-woman.html">The dead woman</a>, and be sure to leave some love for Kristin.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Rock on, baby!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">::Comments closed for this post::</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
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</span></div></span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-5849035656631481332011-04-25T00:10:00.013-04:002011-04-25T00:10:00.177-04:00Kill the Wabbit<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Easter for the disorganized:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So I put off shopping for Easter dinner because of the school holidays. Who wants to drag two kids through the grocery store unnecessarily? </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Well, apparently I do. So casual was my attitude toward preparations that I waited until <i>Saturday afternoon</i> to go to the supermarket. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>In the rain. </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>With both kids. </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>The day before Easter.</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Remember that scene in War of the Worlds when everyone was trying to get on the boat and the angry mob took Tom Cruise’s minivan?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It was kinda like that.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">After dinner, it was time to decorate eggs. I always like to do this about an hour before bedtime, otherwise it turns into a reexamination of each egg in order to add “just one more thing.”</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I forgot to cook the eggs.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So needless to say, the kids were psyched that they got to stay up late (by about two hours,) while I tried to figure out how I was going to “flash refrigerate” the eggs so they wouldn’t have to decorate hot little spheres of pain.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Eggs done miraculously with no egg dye being spilled all over the table <i>(this time</i>.<i>)</i> Put my little zombies to bed - maybe they’ll sleep late!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I sent Derek down to the cellar to get the kids baskets <i>which I had purchased weeks before</i> like an organized and well-planned person. They were beach-themed: big colorful buckets with things like swim rings, goggles and monogrammed beach towels. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">They were also missing. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We whisper-argued for a little while before I told him to find those Goddamn buckets or drive down to the 24-hour Walgreen’s for replacement baskets.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">After lots of banging around in the basement, he found the buckets. I am afraid to go down there now. We arranged them just so, then I added the chocolate bunnies I had stashed. He hid the eggs and went upstairs to pass out.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">About five hours later (WTF?!) the kids woke us up to go downstairs. We dragged ourselves to the living room while they hunted for eggs. Success! They found them all in no time.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">All but one.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">They looked around again, but still no egg. Derek tried to re-trace his steps, because really, they were mostly hidden in plain sight. But he was so blind from exhaustion when he hid them, he couldn’t remember them all.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">After mainlining several cups of coffee, I started dinner. As I was putting together my special sweet potato souffle, I realized that, ironically, we were out of eggs. Off to find an open grocery store on Easter Sunday.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Dinner turned out lovely, and it was a beautiful spring day. We never did find that last egg, but I think I have a feeling where it went:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcoTBRxEnNvplJNJGQCzQ5ABshvPrKj5MuUQIDMd2_SF18bTcyMAP9w2m_W4EabVu9agULz_Ucr8qm1h49_mC0_ABm0MZv9XMWxs8jQOSSm_yeE80buYaPczc3woh5-1t3KjcbRxoJOQN4/s1600/P5020343.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcoTBRxEnNvplJNJGQCzQ5ABshvPrKj5MuUQIDMd2_SF18bTcyMAP9w2m_W4EabVu9agULz_Ucr8qm1h49_mC0_ABm0MZv9XMWxs8jQOSSm_yeE80buYaPczc3woh5-1t3KjcbRxoJOQN4/s320/P5020343.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ozzy looooves eggs!</td></tr>
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</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;">At least I'm keeping my fingers crossed...</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><br />
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</div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-29950507494354085432011-04-23T00:30:00.003-04:002011-04-23T00:37:45.876-04:00The Imaginary Stick, part II<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Welcome to the second half of my nightmare. If you missed the beginning, <a href="http://misfit-moms.blogspot.com/2011/04/imaginary-stick-part-i.html">CLICK HERE</a> for part one! </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Sure enough, Mr. G. arrived about forty-five minutes later.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">He was a balding, mousy little man, who was very pleasant and, in my opinion, pretty non-judgmental. I offered him a seat, and we made small talk for a while. You know - <i>how long have we lived here, how old is your son</i> - that sort of thing. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyt4R5NxFN7-o6tRBlEFiuEHPHM-qK6VTdw8zi9HYNvU-qPTpER33J15IpWLljh8hwy7Xpmc_ra1rAPweJHHNAALiP5hzWGi39cMqXsnQh2m3axsXVunzwr87dluk-n3Uqt77_aK-tiaPt/s1600/iStock_000015398554XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyt4R5NxFN7-o6tRBlEFiuEHPHM-qK6VTdw8zi9HYNvU-qPTpER33J15IpWLljh8hwy7Xpmc_ra1rAPweJHHNAALiP5hzWGi39cMqXsnQh2m3axsXVunzwr87dluk-n3Uqt77_aK-tiaPt/s320/iStock_000015398554XSmall.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Then he took out his note pad and the Official Interview started. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">He told me that he couldn’t disclose the source of the complaint, but I let him know that I already spoke with Peyton about it and knew the source of the allegation. This ruffled him a bit because <i>maybe she had been coached!</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Seriously. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">A four year old. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The only creature more brutally honest than a four year old is a three year old. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I assured him that I simply explained the situation to her to prepare her for this visit. He interviewed her. The kind of garden variety questions that could raise some red flags, depending on how they were answered like <i>‘Do you like living here?’ </i> and <i>‘How do you like your school?’ </i> The only thing I can recall her telling him was that she really liked the kids at her school, but the teachers were “not very nice.” </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Then he asked me what I can only assume to be the ‘usual questions.‘ Given my heightened state, it was all I could do to keep my defense-mechanism {being a smart-ass} from kicking in:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Do you or your husband drink alcohol, Mrs K.?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">{Not NEARLY enough!} <i>Well, occasionally, you know, in social situations.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Is there any illegal drug use in the home?</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">{Does that include heroin?} <i>No, no, nothing like that. Absolutely not.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Are you on any medication? </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Now, this was before my MS diagnosis, so I couldn’t even pull the “crippling disease” card (dammit!) But I wasn’t about to tell him about the Prozac for my ongoing clinical depression, or the Xanax for my panic attacks (one of which I was experiencing <i>at that very moment.)</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Medication? No, just a Tylenol here and there. </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">See? I wasn’t even copping to <i>DayQuil!</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Do either of you spank your children?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">{Hell, yeah! But only twice a day.}</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This was a tricky one, because yes, I <i>have</i> spanked the kids. We live on a fairly busy street, and my number-one-non-negotiable rule is No Playing Out Front Unless Daddy or Me Are Out There With You. It only took one swat on the bum to drive <i>that</i> point home. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Well, yes, I have, but only if they’ve disobeyed a safety rule, and that hasn’t happened in months...</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>I see. Would you mind showing me your home, Mrs. K?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">{Well, jeez, I haven’t really had time to put away the S&M gear, but if you must...} <i>Absolutely. Come right this way... </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I gave him a tour of the downstairs: living room, kitchen (<i>fresh fruit, very good,)</i> dining room, playroom (<i>oh, what a nice collection of books you have!) </i>Then the upstairs. Incredibly, I had actually made beds and tidied up that morning.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">He commented on the decor (<i>What a beautiful home you have! Did you decorate it yourself? Very nice.)</i> And asked about window treatments (<i>Are those custom made?)</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And with every step, I began to feel more and more violated. I wasn’t sick and anxious anymore. I was angry. And I told him so.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Listen Mr. G., I understand that this is your job, and I thank God for people like you, because I wouldn’t last a day seeing some of the things you must have to deal with. But I fail to understand what the condition of my house has to do with the situation with my daughter. I’m sure that there are people in much nicer houses than this who are abusing their kids on a regular basis, just as I’m sure that there are kids that live in crappy motel rooms who couldn’t BE more loved... </i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>...And just think about this for a minute: if I were beating my daughter with a stick, don’t you think she’d be afraid that I’d beat her with a stick if she told anyone that I was beating her with a stick?!</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">::TESTIFY!::</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>I understand your frustration, Mrs. K.. Obviously, there’s been a mis-understanding. Given the circumstances, I’m not sure why they didn’t just call you in for a conference. I will file my report, and let you know the outcome in a couple of days. I’m confident that the matter will be dismissed and the file will be closed.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Well, the matter <i>was</i> dismissed, and the file <i>was</i> closed.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It goes without saying that Peyton did not return to that school. In fact, I got the<i> distinct </i>feeling they didn’t <i>want</i> her back, those Concerned Faculty Members.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But for me, the shame and anger and humiliation wore on for months after. For the longest time, I was <i>mortified</i> and I lived in fear of anyone ever finding out this had happened. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t really <i>own</i> any of this. It had been thrusted on me, and it was my responsibility to <i>not</i> take responsibility. I was <i>letting </i>them make me feel this way.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I finally decided to open up and share this story. Yes, I was afraid of being judged. But the reactions of those around me stripped away that shame. <i>“Are you serious? Did they even </i></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;"><i>say</i></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i> anything to you first? Did they call her pediatrician? Anything like that?”</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">No. No they didn’t. They called the mousy little man at The Department of Child Services. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And for a moment, they made me feel like the worst mother in the world.</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-90488290423685705492011-04-21T02:13:00.004-04:002011-04-27T15:32:46.108-04:00The Imaginary Stick - part I<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><i>Hello? Mrs. K? This is Mr. G from the Department of Child Services...</i></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">umm...okay...</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>We’ve received a report that your daughter Peyton might be the victim of abuse...</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Oh my God!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>There are allegations being made that she may be being beaten with a stick at home...</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Wait. What?!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We had just moved to ‘idyllic suburbia,’ and we were excited to start our new life. Out of the city. Nice, big backyard. Great school system. Plenty of room to grow and unlimited potential. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What could possibly go wrong?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Peyton was a year away from kindergarten. She had been enrolled in the pre-school program at a nice Catholic school in the city, but now it was <i>just</i> far enough away to be a pain-in-the-ass to keep her there. Not knowing anybody or anything about the area, except that it was ‘idyllic suburbia,’ we decided to play it safe and enroll her in the local Catholic school’s pre-school program (I mean they’re like a chain, right?)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What could possibly go wrong?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Her old school was bright and cheery, with a nurturing atmosphere. This new school was grim and severe. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Her old school had screaming children running around the school yard, burning off steam before the bell rang and the day began. This new school had little drones who waited quietly and patiently to file into school in an orderly fashion.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Her old school - loud and messy and happy. This new school - quiet, efficient and somber.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I saw a change in her in those first couple of months. There were behavioral issues that were never there before, but I just wrote them off. After all, we had: a.) moved, b.) changed schools, and c.) just welcomed little Jack into the world six months earlier - lots to swallow in a short amount of time. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But the biggest red flag I missed was on her progress report - the teacher had commented that she wished Peyton would participate a little more in class. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My girl was (and still is) always chatty and bright and engaging. What do you mean she’s not participating? She’ll talk to anyone who’ll listen to her! </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When I asked her what was going on, she only said that she stayed quiet because she didn’t want to get yelled at. I brought this up at our parent-teacher conference, and they simply said that it was crucial to instill “proper deportment in our students” early on. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5CKXaph0AWeYKcXx-qK19HgJyN88I2Jk0maW-2LFpmQKYL-9uDPDRM2esr24HlVUF4zb-HlUExsISG1v9XhXZS80unYxN7FHhJVOScYiwFy5RRnwjXMJKgQo6h1hTySSwR4_iS6HgXoV0/s1600/iStock_000015398539XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5CKXaph0AWeYKcXx-qK19HgJyN88I2Jk0maW-2LFpmQKYL-9uDPDRM2esr24HlVUF4zb-HlUExsISG1v9XhXZS80unYxN7FHhJVOScYiwFy5RRnwjXMJKgQo6h1hTySSwR4_iS6HgXoV0/s200/iStock_000015398539XSmall.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Those dour bitches. I understand the need to keep order, but we’re talking about a bunch four year olds here! WTF?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Still, I kept sending her. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> And this is where it went wrong.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We were coming up to the end of the school year, when the kids were allowed to wear shorts when the Awful Thing happened. See, Peyton wasn’t used to being a 'free-range chicken,' so as soon as the weather was nice, she was out in our backyard every day until we dragged her in - swinging on her new swing set, riding bikes, busting her ass every five minutes on the ladder to the slide, climbing our apple tree (quaint, huh?) And her shins (and <i>only her shins)</i> were dappled in little bruises. We joked about it. I used to say to my husband, “Look at those legs. It looks like we beat her with sticks! We’re gonna have to cover her in bubble wrap!”</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We joke. Inappropriately sometimes.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">One afternoon, during quiet/nap time, a Concerned Faculty Member asked Peyton about her shins. She thought nothing of saying, “Aah, you know. They beat me with sticks.”</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">O. M. G.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>"With a stick? Oh no, you see, that’s kind of a running joke in our house.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>I understand, but I’d like stop by, if you don’t mind. I’m afraid it’s necessary to complete the investigation...</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Investigation?! Holy Shit!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Umm, okay, sure. You can come by right now if you want. I can cancel my plans for this afternoon, that’s no problem...</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>That’s great, I can be there in about forty-five minutes, okay?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">After I hung up the phone, I felt myself getting flush and I just wanted to throw up. What the hell was happening? I sat down and collected myself, then called Peyton into the living room. I struggled to swallow my anxiety (something I was usually quite good at,) and asked her if she knew what was going on. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">She actually started giggling (because, you know, it was fucking <i>ridiculous!</i>) But I told her it was kind of serious - explaining to her the best I could what was going on. I told her that someone would be coming over in a little while to talk to her about it, so I <i>really</i> needed to know what happened.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">She told me about the Concerned Faculty Member. She told me that the Concerned Faculty Member asked her to to take a walk down to the office for a little chat with some other Concerned Faculty Members. And then she ripped my heart out by saying, <i>“I tried to tell them I was only joking Mama, but they wouldn’t listen to me! Am I gonna be in trouble at school?”</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And so we waited for Mr. G. to arrive...</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><a href="http://misfit-moms.blogspot.com/2011/04/imaginary-stick-part-ii.html">**To Be Continued**</a></b></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-47234931179126156992011-04-15T19:36:00.002-04:002011-04-20T09:56:44.907-04:00I Love You, Thora Levine<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">Things I learned about my daughter while dress shopping for her Girl Scouts ‘Daddy & Me‘ dance:<br />
<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>*She willingly grooves to the ’80’s channel on XM Radio:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><i>Hit me with your best shot</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Why don’tcha hit me with your best shot</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Hit me with your best shot</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Fire awaaay!</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>*She looks stunning in giant Easter hats:</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinU2YoLr-pUdrpQKb89aW0Dac3zALxx01luN367GdmuEYUythmksfoWGQgz-ysX1cDiAJz2lyCr8vNnTUiiEzeOM83aE_AKJeB-NlUxz2R_7ZVmuxbqzbqIqx8z15BUgiPJ53eeaDR3Yda/s1600/IMG_0051.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinU2YoLr-pUdrpQKb89aW0Dac3zALxx01luN367GdmuEYUythmksfoWGQgz-ysX1cDiAJz2lyCr8vNnTUiiEzeOM83aE_AKJeB-NlUxz2R_7ZVmuxbqzbqIqx8z15BUgiPJ53eeaDR3Yda/s200/IMG_0051.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghPBnsM2DUyj22UxE4KZyq7OsK8JwuD4UDrUKnmWpnpjmh77YIDmRiNwSo2LK5vlQDc1Mw0Re9bVOHW9qbgM1hTlhfuCKPDDO_LSoHMBz1HDhFLDatznjJschqfd4-jA3k-lJ1Pi19zMvA/s1600/IMG_0052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghPBnsM2DUyj22UxE4KZyq7OsK8JwuD4UDrUKnmWpnpjmh77YIDmRiNwSo2LK5vlQDc1Mw0Re9bVOHW9qbgM1hTlhfuCKPDDO_LSoHMBz1HDhFLDatznjJschqfd4-jA3k-lJ1Pi19zMvA/s200/IMG_0052.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>*She wants to change her name:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> <i>Peyton:</i> </b> I don’t like my name. I wanna change it.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> <b><i>Me:</i></b> Umm, okay, what did you have in mind?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> <b><i>Peyton:</i></b> {mumble, mumble}</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> <b><i>Me:</i></b> What? Flora?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> <b><i>Peyton:</i></b> No, <i> THORA. </i>Thora Levine.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>*She still loves twirly dresses:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7llOO0HUzsBeoHZF6A-hLWrMvyQbDAH3qxDP9T5BKL6rQvZS1jsQexLuhLgGVE848A7ql3zQuLbTuQawju0ykpIqf6Xq3R83gnHCsIkHzWuG-YNaZ8Taqb-FsY8Ng9A0vtzJPURG340cE/s1600/IMG_0063.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7llOO0HUzsBeoHZF6A-hLWrMvyQbDAH3qxDP9T5BKL6rQvZS1jsQexLuhLgGVE848A7ql3zQuLbTuQawju0ykpIqf6Xq3R83gnHCsIkHzWuG-YNaZ8Taqb-FsY8Ng9A0vtzJPURG340cE/s320/IMG_0063.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCfQQpXshsCkXMwloYMIX7W0x1wkbhhm7hJcLz06NkJLxY_vnG8rGSg3fpZRIfzMcZEOMHkyeAiwZ6rcMCWG0kNTqAfgLvRPFZmdD11jVH0PR7tkbcrdgn847SfaCL3O-E_DdPZ197AZs/s1600/IMG_0064.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCfQQpXshsCkXMwloYMIX7W0x1wkbhhm7hJcLz06NkJLxY_vnG8rGSg3fpZRIfzMcZEOMHkyeAiwZ6rcMCWG0kNTqAfgLvRPFZmdD11jVH0PR7tkbcrdgn847SfaCL3O-E_DdPZ197AZs/s320/IMG_0064.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZLBsQPP1NBDJ08lN-xNbb-NoZmqH90WIcTfpHPzE37Ooum0oh5oaixQ09pfWws3FAXnoopmduS3FHQciYYHufuPainhUnErPcepDPl3w-JLdgnjWErV-p5q66KwAl-yDRE5n_NIH9uVAA/s1600/IMG_0065.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZLBsQPP1NBDJ08lN-xNbb-NoZmqH90WIcTfpHPzE37Ooum0oh5oaixQ09pfWws3FAXnoopmduS3FHQciYYHufuPainhUnErPcepDPl3w-JLdgnjWErV-p5q66KwAl-yDRE5n_NIH9uVAA/s320/IMG_0065.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>*She doesn’t realize that clear heels eventually lead to pole-dancing: </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmuFOqWIVyZotjPOsl2M6lcEbWCRwKKjIyp7LRKAajtwCF4zXVj-JThcnxxYX_gY41RCfilnHXq_V6ZfhdEYWYQyoPaR0SmMUAmDG1m7O17SjvoPxx-Kki87K49xP_T_mvufs_lYTM7Ksf/s1600/IMG_0069.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmuFOqWIVyZotjPOsl2M6lcEbWCRwKKjIyp7LRKAajtwCF4zXVj-JThcnxxYX_gY41RCfilnHXq_V6ZfhdEYWYQyoPaR0SmMUAmDG1m7O17SjvoPxx-Kki87K49xP_T_mvufs_lYTM7Ksf/s200/IMG_0069.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After a loud argument <i>in the middle of the store,<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">we did </span>not</i> get these shoes.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>*She is a <i>giant</i> pain-in-the-ass to go dress shopping with, but doesn’t she look lovely?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBtGztLwWTeEJ1dD6zts8j-L5Feg7ghbbh6tQnbO0muy-_QkJTGz_WK4EM2yU3Bt0HS51BWVYvof0f2wUM1vo7c61-puIw0Ov4wjN_41qY-DDlS8Ah-V0FtmGwg82wzeh0gLQS3mCRpkbP/s1600/P4150019_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBtGztLwWTeEJ1dD6zts8j-L5Feg7ghbbh6tQnbO0muy-_QkJTGz_WK4EM2yU3Bt0HS51BWVYvof0f2wUM1vo7c61-puIw0Ov4wjN_41qY-DDlS8Ah-V0FtmGwg82wzeh0gLQS3mCRpkbP/s320/P4150019_2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;">I love you, Thora Levine.</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-78265332629483849982011-04-13T11:38:00.002-04:002011-04-20T09:54:30.701-04:00Pajama Day<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When I was younger, I was a tastemaker in cutting edge fashion! In my head, anyway. Much to my mothers’ dismay, I adhered to my own dress code. A typical outfit looked like this:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">1 pair - dark colored paisley mens’ boxer shorts (buttoned for modesty, please)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">1 pair - black tights </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">1 replica 70’s punk band concert t-shirt (i.e. The Stooges, Siouxsie & the Banshees, etc.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">1 pair - 8-hole Doc Martens. I had the pointy-toed ones that <i>nobody else had</i> (except Bridget Fonda in the movie <i>Singles</i>.) See? Cutting edge!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Accessorized with Kabuki-white make-up, red lipstick, black nail polish and long purpley-red hair.</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;">I never cared what anyone else thought of this. I was still the same friendly approachable girl I'd always been, just with a different aesthetic. And besides, some of my friends wore the same type of stuff, listened to the same kind of music, and had the same kind of mild contempt for the <i>shiny people </i>(but really, who didn't?)</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">While I still wear the occasional Bauhaus t-shirt *<i>sigh*</i> <i>Peter Murphy still makes my heart go pitty pat*</i>,</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/vqM0Pyuz0tA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Make sure your volume is looooow...</div></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I find myself far too concerned with what other people think. I’m not sure why that is, but I’ll save that for another post at another time, because this is about Pajama Day.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">After I got the kids dressed for school the other day, and went to get myself together, I decided to make a statement (at least to myself) and stay in my pajamas for the day. I felt that I needed this exercise in a “rip the band-aid off” sort of way. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Now, when I say ‘pajamas’ I do not mean a satin nightgown set or a pair of footies. Actually, my pajamas consist of a random t-shirt and, on that particular day, these:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVN5RcpooMuFhE0Zm82P40JhZbFA1TJq0XTW-kKjWTuxU6SeQ9x8-xAAjC8CdaIUmp6OAz0OAZZRFgN_OSHJadf_eLowvoJ_0WXHpgQZBah51f0st9724SM5E0StVBfL36bMufByqnS0sU/s1600/P4130017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVN5RcpooMuFhE0Zm82P40JhZbFA1TJq0XTW-kKjWTuxU6SeQ9x8-xAAjC8CdaIUmp6OAz0OAZZRFgN_OSHJadf_eLowvoJ_0WXHpgQZBah51f0st9724SM5E0StVBfL36bMufByqnS0sU/s200/P4130017.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Go Red Sox!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I dropped Peyton off first, but that really only involves me driving up to the front door of the school and slowing down just enough to push her out of the car. No bravery there.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Jack was next. I drove to his pre-school, and along with a handful other parents, walked into school, down the hall, and to his classroom, where I too loudly proclaimed that today was my Pajama Day. Surprisingly, Jack’s teacher said <i>What a great idea! Everybody should have a pajama day!</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Huh.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Later in the day, after I got the kids, we ran to the supermarket. A few old ladies kinda gave me the stink-eye, but you know, <i>whatever</i>. Everyone else? <i>Meh</i>. I went largely unnoticed until Peyton asked me why we had to go all the way back to the produce section. I told her that I had forgotten to pick up lemons and announced, in my best ‘Bruce the Shark’ voice (you know, from Finding Nemo?) that <i>We’re havin’ fish tonight!</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">At this point in the day, I think I was just trying to make my own negative attention.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">While I didn’t see anyone I really knew, I did run into a school-mom from a higher grade. She commented on how cute my pajama pants were, and I explained my mission for the day. She said she’d have to try something like that, and maybe, just maybe, we could influence a <i>pajama day movement</i>.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Maybe I’m <i>still</i> a little cutting edge...</span><br />
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</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-23020713670357634752011-04-10T21:30:00.004-04:002011-04-20T09:49:58.996-04:00Parentile Dysfunction<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnCs1GfIlydKsCu3Lt-3I2n13_6eFhSlgHOqjt4KBna1ag_SUE66vMd6ga05e_-iG1NrrM12c7WjlWSHbTqSdxQS0yY_lppPaOVH-ff4S41xaLHbNU2ExefZVo_gS0Z_H3lnBuyKGrCGA/s1600/iStock_000002928402XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnCs1GfIlydKsCu3Lt-3I2n13_6eFhSlgHOqjt4KBna1ag_SUE66vMd6ga05e_-iG1NrrM12c7WjlWSHbTqSdxQS0yY_lppPaOVH-ff4S41xaLHbNU2ExefZVo_gS0Z_H3lnBuyKGrCGA/s200/iStock_000002928402XSmall.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Mama, why does my peepee get pointy sometimes? I tried to push on it, but it won’t go in.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Jack said this to me last week when he and I were home alone and I was able to skirt the whole issue by telling him that I wasn’t really sure, because I didn’t have one, but that I was pretty sure he shouldn’t try to push it in. This answer seemed good enough. Case closed. And how much <i>cuter</i> could he possibly be?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Fast forward to tonight:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Mama, my peepee is pointy again. Here, feel it.</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Cripes.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Is this gonna become a <i>thing</i>? Isn’t he a little young to talk to about, um, <i>anatomy</i>? Oh, God, what if he starts discussing his, um, <i>business</i> at school? Should I retain counsel?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This time I was ready. I had a plan. With a bright smile, I said, <i>I have an idea! Daddy’s right in the office. Let’s go ask him. He knows aaaaaaall about that stuff.</i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We walked into the office, and I explained that ‘we’ had a question that he could probably answer better than me, then I </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">got the hell out of there</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I smiled as I overheard my husband explain that sometimes it just pops right up, and the best thing to do is leave it alone. There were some finer points that I couldn’t quite hear, but the whole conversation seemed to have a ‘technical’ quality to it - which made me smile even more - like a really surreal episode of <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=ScOj-Wnas_M">Bill Nye the Science Guy</a>!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I feel a little better now, because after they were done with their discussion, I heard Derek ask Jack if he had any other questions. And Jack said, <i>Yeah, how come Hulk isn’t as strong as Superman?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">There’s my baby boy! For now...</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-39671274421436420662011-04-08T07:21:00.001-04:002011-04-12T18:53:07.331-04:00Shiny Objects<div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">Things I did last night instead of writing the post I had planned:</div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Watched a re-run of The Office even though I’d already seen it</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Dwight</i>: Who’s Justice Beaver?</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Jim</i>: He’s umm...he’s a crime-fighting beaver.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Comedy Gold!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Looked online for - wait for it - a Star Wars Galactic Heroes Millennium Falcon playset. Jack is out of his mind over Star Wars, and has asked only for the Millennium Falcon and a light saber for his birthday. The light saber is <i>definitely</i> out of the question until it’s warm enough to be an </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">outside toy</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> (for those of you not familiar with the Star Wars Trilogy, I am sorry you are confused. Also, crawl out of your cave every now and then.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Started with a Google search. Amazon? Yes, sir, I am a <i>Prime Member</i>, let’s take a look... Oh. Those fucking thieves. Oooh, a fondue pot!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Looked up recipes for fondue for forty-five minutes.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Checked Craigslist. Craigslist gives me the creeps. Washed it off my hands while I thought of a better alternative. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">While washing hands, spotted a gardening catalog on the counter. Perused catalog. Pondered the benefits of growing my own geraniums from seed rather than buying from the local garden shop. Come to the conclusion that either way, they will die in the pot, unplanted.</span><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhma4RxeFU-ZgZuzApsTXxQu0_z45NZ34TYs8ve6vCmUx-YTOyvrGADtdAflg56sYhegvkXNfZ43fnhsLOBsHZsDFBuKg60e4f_2LgDdUcMUjWi5POc1INIw6X8fU2rpDUz7lFrtfG0x7qc/s1600/iStock_000002563954XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhma4RxeFU-ZgZuzApsTXxQu0_z45NZ34TYs8ve6vCmUx-YTOyvrGADtdAflg56sYhegvkXNfZ43fnhsLOBsHZsDFBuKg60e4f_2LgDdUcMUjWi5POc1INIw6X8fU2rpDUz7lFrtfG0x7qc/s200/iStock_000002563954XSmall.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Decided to try freecycle.org - this site is kind of like Craigslist for hippies because people are just giving their shit away (good karma, though) - and found the following listings in my area (* = actual quote):</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>a single bar of Ivory soap (one. single. bar.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Photo of Dave Thomas* (from Wendy’s or Canada?)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Old Nail Polish*</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>24-pack of hot dogs</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>tricky food processor*</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I can’t decide which is more dangerous - the hot dogs or the ‘tricky food processor.’</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Resolved to (finally) just go to bed. While trying to fall asleep, my intended post <i>literally</i> flows from my mind in eloquent, concise prose. Sleepiness terminated. Back downstairs to capture the brilliance!</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Opened the computer to a clean, blank page. All signs of excellent mind-post vanish along with prior knowledge of spelling and grammar.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Cleaned out my e-mail inbox. Cripes, my mother-in-law forwards a TON of bullshit with subject titles like “FW:Fw: THIS COULD HAPPEN TO <i>YOUR </i>KIDS - DO NOT DELETE!” Briefly consider marking her as ‘spam.’</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Banished to eBay, forced to pay a gazillion dollars for a fifty dollar toy (but still a few dollars less than Amazon.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">...And that’s how I roll.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-65537280856276799732011-04-04T19:15:00.009-04:002011-04-12T18:41:38.093-04:00Fools for Love?<div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">With all the uncertainties in my life, I take comfort in knowing this one small but unwavering truth:</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Any given member of my family, at any given time, will cut a bitch for an extra slice of bacon.</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_heGVLn6K-lVXeA3ISr4obZftAfKiyJqomzhFFzg1OEdAIdYYNdr23O0x-jhK6oRBAJYc-gXsCsv9NyeXPMHrEMWj0XtTELG7TrY0beBW_vdeGcDL-LnWjmYooYY1vEoN5Y0VpCs4ZDx8/s1600/iStock_000013049265XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_heGVLn6K-lVXeA3ISr4obZftAfKiyJqomzhFFzg1OEdAIdYYNdr23O0x-jhK6oRBAJYc-gXsCsv9NyeXPMHrEMWj0XtTELG7TrY0beBW_vdeGcDL-LnWjmYooYY1vEoN5Y0VpCs4ZDx8/s200/iStock_000013049265XSmall.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<i><div style="display: inline !important; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px;"></span>We were out to breakfast last weekend when Jack decided to commandeer Peyton’s plate and score himself a piece of her bacon, having already inhaled his own. When she rather loudly demanded it’s return (thank God we weren’t dining at the Ritz,) my charming son ran his tongue along the entire piece - lengthwise - and held it out to her while wearing a big, greasy, shit-eating grin. She shot him a look of a thousand daggers, then turned to me and said, “I wish I was an only child.” My husband joked that he wished for zero children, which made both kids gasp in mock horror, and I snarkily joked that if it weren’t for our little criminals, I don’t think we’d still be married. Derek dismissed this claim by saying he was too irresistible too pass up. I thought about that a little later in the afternoon.</span></div></i></div><i> </i><br />
<i><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
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<div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Would</i> we still be married if we didn’t have kids?</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My husband snores. <i>Loudly.</i> He leaves the cap open on everything from toothpaste to baby wipes until they are dried out and useless. For some reason, if he’s cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, he doesn’t think it’s necessary to wipe down the countertop, usually leaving a sticky, crummy mess. He orders an inordinate amount of comic book action figures (don’t call ‘em dolls!) from eBay and is much more fastidious about his comic book collection than our current household budget. Also, the majority of our social planning MUST adhere to the itinerary of his colon.</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Derek is also responsible for the waste management duties in our household (isn’t <i>every </i>husband?) Only he seems to be afflicted with that rare - and sometimes <i>fatal</i> - condition known as <i>rubbish blindness</i>. Every night, I must don my satin pantaloons, trumpet in hand, and declare, “The garbage is spilling over!” before any action is taken.</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">BUT, this is also the same man that used to read Peyton her Sesame Street book <i>in a Grover voice</i> when he thought I couldn’t hear him. This man has run to the 24-hour pharmacy at 3 a.m. because Jack has woken up with a fever and we were out of Children’s Motrin without a word of complaint. He is the *vomit concierge* because he knows that I would rather put my eye out with a fork than clean that shit. And he held my hair during my many bouts of morning sickness (if you define <i>morning</i> as <i>all day</i>.)</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">In the summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. <i>Worst. Day. Ever.</i> Derek was home with the kids when they told me, so by the time he got to the hospital, I thought I had my shit together enough to be able to explain my diagnosis, and maybe make a pithy joke about the no refund policy on brides after the first eight years. </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Instead I dissolved into a puddle of tears.</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Turns out, the neurologist had already spoken to him before he got to my room, and the only thing he said was, “We’re in this together. And I’m not going <i>anywhere without you</i>.” </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Derek and I just celebrated eleven years of marriage last Friday. Yes, we were married on April Fools’ Day. Twelve years ago, after Derek proposed that we put up with each others’ crap ‘til death do us part, we perused the calendar for an appropriate date. April Fool’s Day falls on a <i>Saturday</i>? Sign us up! The fact that we were both excited to gather our family and friends together <i>on this particular day</i> to share our vows and celebrate our beginning speaks volumes on how we conduct our union. Because really, if you can’t laugh at yourselves, you might cry.</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Now, where did I put my trumpet?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div>Misfit Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08666523444451347960noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-80431169754278314472011-03-30T14:36:00.005-04:002011-04-12T18:38:10.523-04:00Blueberry Blues<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvuut4AdKdU_i_MXq70XqkGRVkT4BUcAblvtiFC9CBCFm-4u8ENgIxRCeV8ZXfUqDvDki9U3zlMPPTwW-g91N_0btwUNJ5q9B2CiotdbwtymrqAVO2VeU8LWuolZpFI0aHX6Mz4u25I7kb/s1600/iStock_000004364216XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvuut4AdKdU_i_MXq70XqkGRVkT4BUcAblvtiFC9CBCFm-4u8ENgIxRCeV8ZXfUqDvDki9U3zlMPPTwW-g91N_0btwUNJ5q9B2CiotdbwtymrqAVO2VeU8LWuolZpFI0aHX6Mz4u25I7kb/s200/iStock_000004364216XSmall.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I recently saw about the first half hour of this movie called “My Blueberry Nights” (it was very awful, and I had to change the channel before my eyes started bleeding,) about this girl who gets unceremoniously dumped by her cheating boyfriend. She spends the first bit of the movie skulking around this diner that they used to go to and develops a friendship of sorts with the guy (manager? owner?) who works there - who is played by Jude Law. In one scene, she wonders out loud why her ex dumped her; why he’s with someone else - is she prettier? smarter? And Jude lays a pretty sage explanation on her that goes something like this: </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>See this chocolate cream pie? I’m lucky if I have one slice left at the end of the night. Same with the apple. But look at this blueberry pie</i> (which is untouched.) <i> There’s nothing wrong with it - it’s a perfectly fine pie, and it’s actually quite delicious; it’s just that people ordered the chocolate cream or the apple instead. It’s not the pie’s fault, people just wanted something else. They made different choices. </i> </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">That blew me away.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I think I am a blueberry pie.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We have lived in suburbia for about four and a half years now, and I still have not made any friends. Well, to be honest, I was pretty tight with my neighbor, but alas, her husband got a transfer and they now live a good 600 miles away. I have made acquaintances - you know, those people you see in the school yard or on the soccer field with your kids - moms that say ‘hi’ to you, and ask how you’re doing, even though they really don’t give a rat’s ass whether you just won a beauty pageant or were recently diagnosed with leprosy. I actually tested this theory out a couple of weeks ago when asked by one of the ‘regulars’:</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Other Mom: Hi! How’ve you been?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Me: Oh, hanging in there. Just trying to keep my head above the laundry! (ha. ha.)</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Other Mom: Oh. Uhh...</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Me: I swear, Peyton has more costume changes in one day than Madonna! (ha. ha.) Ugh, it never ends, right? So how are you?</i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>Other Mom: Oh look, I think Ashley’s having trouble with her swing. I’d better go get her. Nice talking to you! </i> </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I doubt that woman has ever been happier to see her child in peril.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It sounds kind of random, what I did (and seeing it written on paper, I sound waay more manic than I actually was, honest,) but I really thought that this might start a dialogue, you know, an opening for her to initially commiserate with me and maybe share a bit of herself. Instead, she fled the scene like her ass was on fire. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Having kids goes hand-in-hand with having playdates, and those playdates also offer most moms the opportunity to meet and forge friendships with other moms. I mean, these moms already have some things in common: their kids are friends, they’re usually about the same age, and they don’t live too far from each other. Other variables include the coolness of their husbands and the age/sex of their other children relative to your own. Once all (or at least some) of these things come together, it should be fairly easy to find some common ground unless the other mom a) is a notorious gossip, b) thinks she’s way better than you, or c) is crazy as a budbug (more on this last one in a later post.)</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">From a distance, that particular mom seemed to be relatively well-adjusted, and I always thought she was pretty nice, but faced with that unexpected interaction, she just completely shut down. Was it me? Maybe my reputation had made it’s way around the school yard, although for the life of me, I can’t figure out just what that reputation might be. Maybe I had something on my face. Maybe she thought I fell under category “c” above. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Maybe I’m just a blueberry pie.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Everything is back to “normal” now. That other mom is hanging out with her circle of friends in the school yard - one of the many circles I don’t fit in to, and she still says, “Hi, how are you?” (although now I think I detect a hint of fear in her voice that I might <i>actually</i> tell her.) I have taken to waiting in my car until school lets out. I’ll try again another time, with another mom, but it’s tough putting yourself out there and feeling an icy cold breeze in return. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Besides, I’m starting to get really good at “Angry Birds.”</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6546454996824404972.post-75078256065141496482011-03-26T18:52:00.005-04:002011-04-12T18:34:09.804-04:00Carpe Diem! (definitely tomorrow...)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="color: #444444; font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I constantly tease Derek about his shameless procrastination. "Wellllll, I can't really get to "X" until "Y" and "Z" happen." What drives me bat-shit is, the thing that needs to happen first is always something <i>I </i>need to do, as in "I can't organize the basement until you go through everything." To which my reply goes something like this, "I can't go through everything until the basement is better organized." It's like the seventh circle of 'pass the buck.' So the running joke is that Mars needs to be in retrograde, and all the planets aligned before "X" can be done (I am not an astronomy major.) Only this time, I'm the one waiting for the planets, and there's nobody to pass that buck to.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #444444; font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I've been tossing around the idea of starting a blog for a while now, mostly because I'm an incredibly interesting person, and I really should bestow my fabulousity on others... Okay, not really. I don't have any delusions of grandeur, but aspirations to mediocrity, in which I can get my kids to places <i>on time</i>, I actually cook dinner <i>every night </i>instead of asking the age-old question of "Who wants pizza?" and I don't feel (or at the very least, don't care if I feel) like I need to over-explain myself to most of the people I interact with. I mean, why do I think it's necessary to explain to the girl at Starbucks that I'm buying an organic milk box because I ran out of juice boxes for Jack's lunch?<i> </i>So I guess my reasoning is this: I can slap together a decent sentence and misery loves company.</span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #444444; font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Anyway, when I was first setting this thing up, all these good topic ideas were swirling around my head. I should write them down. Nah, it's fine - I'm sure I'll remember (it is here that I'll confess to never remembering <i>anything</i> that I haven't written down EXCEPT my credit card number!) So I'll settle down and get this page together so I can regale the internet with my wit and wisdom. Except it's not that easy for my infected mind because I am now compelled to view every possible permutation of page design available. Then fonts. Then colors. And what about placement? Well, shit, now I've fallen down the rabbit hole. </span></div><div style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 17.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrW2OuTDSl091orlS7TZESDVgHpkSPZzoRbeiJnZEO04J9QO7wz1B4t7wXL4scC7j2k_Q2KTbyuQPteuxQyogrZCgHRT2vlkBGmYTuQh6fMgoDIqPww6MiaU61oWc-xkrRsr2yMc81q9ei/s1600/iStock_000003388656XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrW2OuTDSl091orlS7TZESDVgHpkSPZzoRbeiJnZEO04J9QO7wz1B4t7wXL4scC7j2k_Q2KTbyuQPteuxQyogrZCgHRT2vlkBGmYTuQh6fMgoDIqPww6MiaU61oWc-xkrRsr2yMc81q9ei/s320/iStock_000003388656XSmall.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #444444; font: 14.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Well, my planets are finally aligned. It is now two weeks later that I'm posting this, because I got it in my head that I <i>really need to know everything right now.</i> My final epiphany came as I looked up at the clock at three o'clock this morning after spending the previous two and a half hours trying to put a Twitter button on my page. As it stands, that button is in a weird place, but it works, and I can't figure out how to relocate or even remove it, so there it will remain until I decide to investigate further - which may be never because it takes a long time to get over the trauma of getting your head stuck in that hole.</span></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4