Monday, May 16, 2011

Reboot

Okay, so I took a little *break* and I feel like I have some ‘splainin’ to do.
Sometimes, I have these weird panic attacks.
They start out in the pit of my stomach - where the little butterflies start flittering.
Sometimes the butterflies grow.  And grow.  And grow.
Until they turn into something different.


When that happens, things start to go awry.
The shame of it is, that nervous, tweaked-out energy usually translates into some of my best material - I’m pretty funny in calamity!  But I can’t get it together enough to concentrate on any one thing for longer than a nano-second.
The kids generally don’t realize I’m in mid-crisis;  partly because I try not to visibly freak out, if at all possible.
And partly because they make me screamy anyway.
Normally, Derek’s there to talk me down from the imaginary ledge, and I can get back to a place where I can function normally.  At least for a little while.  At least until the next one happens.
I can’t figure out why they come and go the way they do, and usually I can work through them, but sometimes, they just get a little too big and demand attention. 
Kinda like a third child.  Or worse, a second husband.
So I do what I can to make it through, until the anxiety decides to retreat back to it’s dark little cave.  Although that periodically takes some creativity on my part.  This time, I needed something a little crazy to get back to “normal.”
So naturally, I dyed some of my hair purple.
I feel much, much better now...

49 comments:

  1. Glad you're back and hope you're feeling better. I have decided that I need to keep some kind of Daily Happy Log because between hormones and the kid and depression and life in general, it only takes one day for me to be convinced the world is ending. And then the next day it's fine again. I wonder if maybe the Daily Happy Log would remind me that I was happy a lot in the recent past.

    Or maybe I just need a good kick in the head every now and then.

    Either way, glad to see you!

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  2.  Purple is awesome!  I usually go with orange myself--but that's just me.

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  3. I get those, too!  Well, I used to until I demanded drugs.  But, I so totally feel you.  Did the purple make you feel better? I hope so!

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  4.  Love the purple. And glad you made it back safe from the land of giant butterflies. I completely relate!

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  5.  Purple happens to be my favorite color!

    Hugs!

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  6. Well for me, the kick would be more effective. Getting these things under
    control is like trying to herd cats.

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  7. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing, but I think it's pretty awesome
    too! Thanks!

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  8. My little blue helpers were making me sleepy. The purple DOES make me feel
    better - of course, now Peyton wants it too!

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  9. Well, it certainly coordinates with my red hair (and it's not "Lakers
    purple" as my husband feared.)

    And the giant butterflies have been vanquished! For now.

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  10. I can't wait until the schoolmums get a look at it! Although I'm pretty
    sure they think I'm a little "off" anyway...

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  11. Doll, You just gave me a brilliant idea. I've been in the middle of a nervous breakdown for a week (ok, confession time: at least a good decade or so) and the only solution I could come up with while swimming in a box of further-fermented wine is to tone down my personality. Instead, I believe I shall dye my hair blue!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!!!!!!  

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  12. You're quite welcome. Although I must disclose that I only *streaked* my
    hair. The end result of dying *all* of your hair blue may be an
    intervention depending on how conservative your family is. Just sayin'...

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  13. Oh man, I feel your pain. I have anxiety and it sucks. For some reason it get worse when my husband is out of town and I have a stretch of it coming up. Thank god for Ativan and purple hair apparently.

    Its pretty.

    Tee hee, second husband... That would be worse.

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  14. I personally pray to the God Xanax, but I certainly respect different
    religions. Unless they involve a second husband. I'm too tired for that
    crap.

    When your husband goes out of town, jump right on the Twitter! I'm sure
    you'll see me around - with your Tweeps, you'll never be lonely again...and
    if that doesn't help, fuchsia is still available.

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  15. Haha! Luckily for me, they've come to expect such things from me. But at the last moment, I totally wimped out and just went for the blue-ish old lady tint. That fabulous color where you do a double take while wondering if the crazy broad MEANT to do that.... :) 

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  16.  I'm learning not to make big decisions during an episode (that's what all the books say), but I usually end up cutting my hair anyway. So now, I stay away from salons, period. That should help.

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  17.  I love the purple...and welcome back!   :)

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  18.  Oh I will! xoxoxoxo

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  19.  Well of course you did! Butterflies hate purple. I'm glad I found this today, I can identify.

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  20.  Nothing like awesome purple hair to cheer a girl up! Glad you're feeling better. Anxiety sucks. 

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  21. I'm really happy you are feeling better for now. I can see how the purple hair helped...love it! Take care of you!

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  22. Purple hair. I'll have to remember that. I have a court date coming up Monday. Thanks Mothra. :)

    But seriously, glad you're feeling better. Anxiety is no fun at all.

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  23.  Purple is the new pink according to my niece. You are so trendy!

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  24. That butterfly would freak me out!! 

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  25. My husband's ex wife has purple hair too! Actually, it's that red-urple. She was trying to be auburn. Like me. I ramble. Get your groove back soon.

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  26. I usually stay away from salons altogether, but I felt the need for a
    metamorphosis...

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  27. Happy to help (and glad to know I'm not hanging out here alone!)

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  28. Thanks, Alison, it's really beginning to grow on me!

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  29. It's funny - now my kids think I'm just the coolest...

    Of course, they're only 5 and 9, so I'll be lame again in no time.

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  30. Yes, I'm sure the Officers of the Court will be quite impressed. Maybe a
    purple and blue stripe?

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  31. Really? Well, I *am* a trendsetter!

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  32. Yeah, and he makes a Goddamn mess too!

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  33. Well, I say if it's not intentional, it's lame! ;-)

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  34.  Love the streak of purple. Great change but not super dramatic to where you will regret it.

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  35. You are hysterical!  I love the purple hair!  (I came over from Erica's and I plan on coming back!  Keep the coffee on!)

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  36. I have panic too. Like Erica, I usually cut my hair when I'm spinning out but this is an interesting new slant. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe some green.......

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  37. Well, I DID say crazy, not stupid! ;-)

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  38.  I'm pretty sure Mothra was defeated by purple hair, so good for you!

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  39. Well, my hair WAS pretty long, then I cut it last year in search of a change
    (I donated it to Locks of Love - apparently there's a low supply of red,
    curly hair - who knew?) It's finally well past my shoulders and I DARE not
    cut it again. I am Sampson.

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  40. You would think with so many of us being victim to that damn monster, we coud band together and kick his fucking ass. We need to make a plan. 

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  41. That works.  But if it's after 5, I'll bring the wine.

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  42. Good idea! But I think we need to get through the Zombie Apocalypse
    first...

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  43. Oh yes, good old anxiety! I like your way of dealing with it! Purple is my absolute favorite color. Glad to have you back. Your blog was the first blog I read on Bloggy Moms! Glad I did. 

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  44. Thanks so much, Michelle! Now, if could just stick to a regular schedule...

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  45. Annette BerberianMay 20, 2011 at 11:31 AM

    Love the purple!!!  Hang in there with the panic attacks! 

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  46.  "Or worse, a second husband" Ha! 

    Hair dye always makes the world a better place. :)

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Even the shortest comment assures me that people other than my sister are reading this...

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