Friday, May 20, 2011

The Mommy Has Two Faces







                 or









We can’t ALL be June Cleaver, but we can act like her.  Publicly, at least.  These are a few of my confessions (your results may vary):

::~::
At the tee ball field:  "Sweetie, you can't help your team if you're laying in the dirt - you gotta stand on the base, you silly goose!"
On the way home:  "I can't believe you spent the entire game laying in the dirt!  I'm not coming to another game ever again!  Now you'll never play for the Red Sox!"
::~::
The In-laws hear all about the lovely salmon dish that you slaved over for their grandchild's birthday dinner, because that's what your precious baby wanted.
They do not hear about the rest of the week's menu, which was comprised mostly of Ramen soup and frozen pizza.
::~::
On 'Pajama Day' at school, every child is wearing freshly laundered, rip-free PJ's that are as cute as a button!
At home, fleece tops and bottoms are found, but it must be explained to the protesting child that it really is okay to wear a Lego Star Wars top with Super Mario Brothers bottoms.
::~::
Lunch for school is lovingly prepared, and contains the following items:  a sunflower butter and banana sandwich on 100% whole wheat bread, with apple slices and an organic milk box.
Lunch at home is a can of Spaghetti-O's dumped in a bowl and nuked for 90 seconds, 
and may or may not be served with a cup of coffee.
::~::
On school days, the kids always have on clean underwear.
On non-school days, they are just as likely to be going 'commando.'
::~::
C’mon, fess up!  I can’t be the only one...

22 comments:

  1.  you are too funny!  Even my husband who I have to sit down and force to read my blog, saw and read yours and thought you were funny.
    mine is: when the do something naughty and in front of my friends I calmly and rationally explain that they shouldn't do that
    in the car it's 'are you kidding me, were you raised in a barn, you know better....blah blah blah" and at the top of my lungs.  I do ignore the eye rolling that I see in the review mirror...well at least when I'm in a good mood.

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  2. Ooh, the 'husband-read' is a big deal - thanks!

    My kids realize that the more I smile at their bad behavior in public, the
    more dead they are when they get home. Of course, sometimes they decide
    that they're in a shitload of trouble already, so they may as well go for
    it.

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  3. Were supposed to feed our kids???  Fuck!!!!

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  4. Ha! Well you know, I hear those little ketchup packets are quite
    nutritional.

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  5. No, you are certainly not the only one. When mine were little, they knew we were leaving the house or someone was coming over because I made them put on pants. 

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  6.  My youngest daughter used to eat sliced pickles dipped in mustard.  I liked to tell people that's all we allowed her to eat.

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  7.  I have always loved Peg and her leopard print. I think it's time to embrace our inner Peggy heehee

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  8.  My kiddo is too little yet for stories like these, but my husband and I are definitely in two different relationships! We can be fighting in the car, but as soon as we walk up the in-laws' steps it's all wine and roses.

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  9. Ohhhhhhh!  Whole-wheat bread . . .you made it yourself?   Recipe forthcoming??? [looks really good on my fridge]
    [BTW-Frye's has canned ravioli on sale 12 for $10!  If you get there early they also have donut samples for the kiddos.  Go to the Organic bakery display by the donuts, ignore kiddos scarfing down said donuts while you mutter aloud 'Ughhhh does no one make DECENT organic bread WITHOUT soy???'  Still not looking at the kiddos, beckon for them while you plead 'Come come!  The Farmer's Market opens soon and I want FRESH-picked berries for the jam we are going to make TOGETHER]
    Works every time. So I've heard.

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  10. Ha! Peyton NEVER wears any more than she has to! In a way, I can't wait
    for puberty (and modesty) to arrive!

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  11. Well, there's something to be said for Peg Bundy: at least her kids know
    how to cross the street by themselves! She was no "helicopter mom!"

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  12. OMG, you would think that my husband and I were still on our honeymoon when
    his parents are around!

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  13. Are you kidding? I don't take those monsters shopping with me! Not unless
    it's the day before
    Easter.
    ;-)

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  14. Once on a pajama day, I  ran into a Walmart and bought real pajama's on the way to school. 

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  15.  ROFL! Girl, you know you are not the only one to do this. In public, you have the angelic side dealing with things. And then when you get home, your head spins and out comes the green pea soup. LOL! 

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  16. Hmm... I haven't had to do that yet, but that's a good tip! Thanks!

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  17. I KNEW I wasn't alone! I just had to shake some trees to get the bad apples
    to come out - yay for us bad apples!

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  18. This is too funny! Nobody's as perfect as they pretend to be in public. On weekends, I am also most likely going commando.

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  19. How did I miss this post? All the way from last Friday? I laughed all the way through then at the comments. I am totally Peg Bundy without the cigarette.

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  20. Ha! While I try to be naked as little as possible, my children are under
    the impression that the world is their peepshow, and they are the stars...

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  21. Well, you know, I try to keep 'em up a couple of days to REALLY cash in...

    All these comments make me feel I am the company of people with impeccable
    taste (and the same low level of patience for their children that I have for
    mine.)

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  22. Oh my gosh what a perfect post.

    You tell the truth.

    I don't think most moms out there would tell it like this.

    You rock, woman.

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Even the shortest comment assures me that people other than my sister are reading this...

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