Friday, April 8, 2011

Shiny Objects

Things I did last night instead of writing the post I had planned:
Watched a re-run of The Office even though I’d already seen it
Dwight:  Who’s Justice Beaver?
Jim:  He’s umm...he’s a crime-fighting beaver.
Comedy Gold!
Looked online for - wait for it - a Star Wars Galactic Heroes Millennium Falcon playset.  Jack is out of his mind over Star Wars, and has asked only for the Millennium Falcon and a light saber for his birthday.  The light saber is definitely out of the question until it’s warm enough to be an outside toy (for those of you not familiar with the Star Wars Trilogy, I am sorry you are confused.  Also, crawl out of your cave every now and then.)
Started with a Google search.  Amazon?  Yes, sir, I am a Prime Member, let’s take a look... Oh. Those fucking thieves.  Oooh, a fondue pot!
Looked up recipes for fondue for forty-five minutes.
Checked Craigslist.  Craigslist gives me the creeps.  Washed it off my hands while I thought of a better alternative. 
While washing hands, spotted a gardening catalog on the counter.  Perused catalog.  Pondered the benefits of growing my own geraniums from seed rather than buying from the local garden shop.  Come to the conclusion that either way, they will die in the pot, unplanted.

Decided to try - this site is kind of like Craigslist for hippies because people are just giving their shit away (good karma, though) - and found the following listings in my area (* = actual quote):
a single bar of Ivory soap (one. single. bar.)
Photo of Dave Thomas* (from Wendy’s or Canada?)
Old Nail Polish*
24-pack of hot dogs
tricky food processor*
I can’t decide which is more dangerous - the hot dogs or the ‘tricky food processor.’
Resolved to (finally) just go to bed.  While trying to fall asleep, my intended post literally flows from my mind in eloquent, concise prose.  Sleepiness terminated.  Back downstairs to capture the brilliance!
Opened the computer to a clean, blank page.  All signs of excellent mind-post vanish along with prior knowledge of spelling and grammar.
Cleaned out my e-mail inbox.  Cripes, my mother-in-law forwards a TON of bullshit with subject titles like “FW:Fw: THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR KIDS - DO NOT DELETE!” Briefly consider marking her as ‘spam.’
Banished to eBay, forced to pay a gazillion dollars for a fifty dollar toy (but still a few dollars less than Amazon.)
...And that’s how I roll.


  1. Hi, found you on the Bloggy Moms. Never one to miss a chance of meeting another misfit, I followed you to your blog, and now I am one of your evil minions.

    I consider myself a misfit (and misplaced) mom as well. You can read about it on my blog:

    Oh, and I often banished myself to Ebay as well, whereby I would suffer selective memory-lapse and came out wondering why suddenly my bank account balance is missing an extra zero at the end.

  2. I read this at work and literally had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud and interrupting the peaceful quiet of office life. Seriously, a bar of soap? And hot dogs? Wow. Great post, I'm definitely following you!

  3. My favorite was the 'tricky food processor' HA! And seriously, why post a bar of soap? Aren't you gonna need eventually? And wouldn't you be afraid of the person who RESPONDED to your post? Yikes!


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